, like a million other things.

friday i hurried to finish a blog so that i could reward myself with a bonfire. but as michael, jenny, and i drove onward towards the beach we realized that no one had reserved a pit. we all gasped silently. i gasped harder on the inside. a fiasco, i thought. spontaneity, i can handle, but unpreparedness and disorganization, i cannot. but, trust me, i'm working on it. michael ran two miles or more (barefoot, i might add, because sandals were detrimental to the urgency with which he ran) down the coast in search of a bonfire pit that the whole group might enjoy. i applaud him. he got blisters from the scorching pavement and did not complain. he was a a complete doll (i love that saying). he got in the water with me and thomas. and i felt like i was swimming in a reverie worthy of a queen. it was like a warm bath. and i just wanted my toes to get prune-y.

i'm not much of a socialite. this is something else i am working on. i won't play volleyball, which this group does. it is all they seem to do. all they want to do. endless games of twenty-one and then they just "bump it" to one another. astonishing. incredulous! and i applaud them for their sportsmanship, for their spirit of competition. for the way they "take one for the team." but i just can't do that. i won't. and it's childish, i am sure. i am sure that one makes friends by participating in things like volleyball. that these tiny moments add up and after months, possibly years, of volleyball at the beach, one is laughing with friends. hardcore friends. the sort that just know. but i am working on it, like a million other things.

and on the way home, my aching bones wanted to cry. i have no idea why. because i feel things deeply. things i cannot explain. things that overwhelm. and nothing can assuage that ache but His love. not even michael buble singing his hit "everything."

oh, how i need His love. daily.