i am stuck. and don't know how to let go. surrender. worship. move on. move forward. and it's there is a deep desire within me to just turn around. quit. and not care about it anymore. anything. and i know i shouldn't. and i know i don't want to, really. that this is just another question thrown into the night sky. into His throneroom. and that He does hear me.
but i can't move beyond that right now. it seems impossible. it feels far away. and hopeless. and i wear myself out with tears and drown in sleep. where my exhaustion with others and myself matters not. where thought cannot provoke anger and frustration and worry. where things provoked cannot steal compassion and love. because that is my life right now. robbed by thoughts. unsettled. restless. inexorable. and i don't know how to make them slow down. stop.
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