the decor was kitsch. hawaiian flowers and grass skirts lined the receptionists desk. starfish catapaulted from the ceiling with golden ribbon. it was obvious that like all well-intentioned businesses that cater to children this particular one had gone to Party City and emptied the summertime aisle. no one minds this behavior. the orthodonist is an intimidating figure in every crooked toothed child's life. starfish help.
i sat down and wondered how i ended up here with two mature, bright, and independent girls. they checked in on a computer at the front and nestled into the blue vinyl chairs - the glow of their Kindles on their faces. i opened my book and not my mouth. these girls like quiet. unnecessary, excessive, uninteresting conversations bother them. they like to read. sitting with them, i was reminded of myself. by what fortune did i end up here, in an orthodonists office twenty miles from home? surprised by life's turnabouts, i excused myself to the restroom and walked down the dim hallway. i mused on a particular, reassuring thought: i cannot forsee my future - it is vast, dynamic, and dependent on infinite variables. drying my hands with the rough, cardboard-colored paper towels i recalled a similarly comforting idea: there is no plan. that is, life rarely occurs in a single, forward moving line where one thing follows another in a calculated, logical progression. this idea is what made college bearable. it is what makes my six part-time jobs magical and promising.
today, a month after the orthodonist appointment, i am still wondering how i ended up here: planning a school christmas production, taking kids to tae kwon do, writing algebraic expressions on a white board in the library, giving animal crackers to three year olds, learning piano and writing prayers for church. soon, substitute teaching. my life is a smattering of varied interests. however, it gives me time to watch the mindy project and wander around old towne. it gives me time to kneel in a catholic church and mutter my own prayers. it gives me time to walk my dog and read. it gives me time to make pizza and rent inexpensive movies with the feller. isn't this life - these small, orderly, expected things that give way to who i will be and what i will contribute when i am working?
i'm not sure where i will "end up," and yet, it doesn't frighten me. there are inexhaustibly fascinating things and people out there. it is by God's mercy that i am fed and clothed, that i have work enough to make a living. it is by His mercy that i will become a person who is merciful and generous, wherever i "end up." i am more interested in becoming that kind of person, anyways.
