so easy

today i woke up at four-thirty am.

went to the gym.

opened at work. (called in).

and am about write a paper.

it has been a brilliant morning thus far.

today i will have a test.

a fitting for my choir dress.

my second counseling appointment.

attempt to accomplish homework.

and class later.

the tears came easy last night.

they always come so easy.

throwing it out

i feel guilty being in the library and reading/writing blogs.
i also feel guilty about being on facebook while in the library.
ergo to avoid this guilty feeling i will most resolutely get dinner.

and i will write more about this later,
but filling myself with beautiful words and pictures is good for my soul.

and i still would like to become a master of water colors.
just throwing it out there.

more here.

goodbye

this is beautifully written.

the kind of stuff movies are made of.

decisively idealized and heavily romanticized but true enough to touch upon reality.

found at dear meg's blog.

so as a discipline

every good and perfect gift comes from You.

i shall not be in want.

so as a discipline when i begin to want for and reach for:

thank You, Lord, for what i have right now,

where i find myself this hour, this day.

You are kind. You are gracious.

thank You, Lord, for Your leading and Your nearness.

Your words are life to me.

i fix my ears and eyes on You.

You are beautiful and burn with love for me.

You know what's best. You have given me what's best.

You are forming me like i asked.

You are restoring me like i asked.

and here in the breaking of an old life,

You are building in me a new one.

thank You.

agree with me.

some days beg for ingrid michaelson.

her voice is soft, inviting.

the rounds in this song remind me of childhood.

row, row, row your boat... anyone?

and i know it goes without saying but rounds are circular. each line coincides without clashing or distracting from the others. they don't ask for your attention. they show each other off. they work together. the spiral of a round and their indefinite end agree with me.

repetition is possibly my most favored rhetorical device.

i love ethereal voices and easy singing.

i love songs in triple meter. (six/eight?)

fact: i also walk in triple meter. one, two, three. one, two, three.

i know this is not the most cheerful song,

but it is catchy and i smile when the voices move to unison at the end.

p.s. i actually don't own any of her music. i use grooveshark to supply all those needs. but i am finding myself lacking sweet music in my car. (my ipod dies if it isn't plugged in). point being, i need to purchase said sweet music. or someone can give it to me.... ::wink wink::

p.s.s. i also want to learn how to watercolor.

the gain

today i am reminded of a friend who so plainly told me that i am not missing out on anything. that i haven't lost anything in this transition. i am reminded to love the life i have. to say thank you for my life and not be filled with anxiety about a life i did have or could have had but do not have.

but whatever was to my profit I now

consider loss for the sake of Christ.

What is more, I consider everything a loss

compared to the surpassing greatness of

knowing Christ Jesus my Lord,

for whose sake I have lost all things.

I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ

and be found in him, but that which is through

faith in Christ -

the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.

I want to know Christ

and the power of his resurrection

and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings,

becoming like him in his death,

and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

philippians 3:7-11

today i am reminded of a joy that goes deep. a steady joy.

a quiet joy that bubbles up and over.

today i am reminded that i have to choose this joy,

even in what feels like loss.

and that joy, the gain of knowing Christ, makes me want to dance.