picking and choosing

i am a sucker for school supplies. and one week ago i absentmindedly forgot my pencilbox, my beloved pencilbox, around campus. thursday it returned in all its glory. and i am entirely relieved that i won't have to purchase a new one. however, there is an unexpected twinge of sorrow because i do wish, quite desperately, to have a reason - any reason - to drop some money on new school supplies. to saunter throughout staples picking and choosing. there is nothing like fresh inky pens or newly sharpened pencils.

but all that is trivial. yes?

you know, i don't want to write because there is a world of words that can be fashioned into sentences. one of those writers who spews each emotion. passing thought. whose words are many but meaningless. one of those writers who gorges themselves with words. is plump with words. is obese, in the worst way possible. i resolve to edit. and edit some more. i want my words to carry weight. which means speaking sparingly. which means concise explanations. which means losing the excess.

but i love the excess. the nuances that sheer words can suggest. i must saunter throughout the dictionaries of cultures and times gone by, going by picking and choosing. there is nothing like the right word or sentence.

nada. zip. zilch. nothing.