bear no claim

no thing or person bears claim upon my time, my decisions, my emotions, my thoughts, or my body.

i am claimed by the blood of Christ. claimed by His display of violent, immutable love. it is freeing to sit in His lap, kneel before His throne knowing that i need not feel obligated by the expectations or calendar of others. and it is only freeing because He reminds me that i am His. i am His. not defined by commitments or relationships. defined by His love.

and i can bear no claim upon others time, decisions, emotions, thoughts, or body.

this is hard. we deceive ourselves quickly, telling ourselves that we are just concerned about so-and-so. we just want to know how they are doing. want to keep them accountable. and each time it gets easier to do this. but our concern is never about them. we have lost our nerve about who we are. we are insecure. we are afraid. of being alone. vulnerable. replaced. and we have fallen into patterns of manipulation to make sure at any given moment we hold the reins. it is none of my business who you speak to. hang out with. etc. and i have no say in it. i must have no say in it if i want to move away from this tendency to control. it is difficult to release these well-worn reins. our grip is strong. and our hands are stiff.

but there is a more excellent way.

His way of relinquishment.

abandonment.

i am n o t abandoned. but am abandoning all to Him.

t r y i n g&s t r u g g l i n g.

but abandoning nonetheless. because His love makes it worth it. and His love is better than yellow wheat fields and saturated skies. better than a thousand birds soaring in perfect unision. and His love is sweet. and pure. and faithful. and all things unexplainable.