even when it is hard

you know, i do this to myself.

and i am completely aware at each moment that i am doing this to myself.i am thinking and considering things over and over again. analyzing them from each angle.and it's blurry. and it's foggy. and it's harder to decipher what is really going on inbetween and around and inside. and the lies i tell myself become easier to believe. i circulate them through my emotions and speech. and what i think upon becomes how i live.

my mind roams wild, runs free. and i let it. i'm hardwiring myself in self-destructive patterns. and i see it. these thoughts reign over me. and i bend my knee in submission. and in these moments, reality is hard to grab a hold of. because these thoughts have stacked brick upon brick and hammered nail after nail. and there is this barrier, this wall. and it separates me from the life i was created to live and the love i was created to encounter. and His truth is far off. and i am disabled by the restlessness inside me.and it takes intentionality. deliberately getting my thoughts in alignment with His word, declaring it over myself.

"there is no miracle drug. there is no quick solution. there is only crying in the arms of the Father."

i am starting there. i have to. even when it is hard to cry because it means i am still broken. when i wish i was whole. but wholeness takes a long time. and it only happens in His arms.