seems appropriate.

I often, that is to say, always, dreamt about my middle name having an 'e' at the end. The silly dreams of little girls are rarely forgot. I read Anne of Green Gables and her name, 'e' included, represented her belonging, imagination, wit, work-ethic, and charm. I practiced in perfectly rounded cursive my name with 'Anne' as the centerpiece. Ann, sans the coveted 'e,' seemed unfinished. I would compare it to the awful, unforgivable misspelling of 'and' or 'an' - my middle name was a serious concern. As years have passed friends have encouraged me in this plight. "You can legally change it, you know." I won't. It is the name I was given. Changing my given name seems like a rejection of family, heritage, tradition. I love that it is something I had no say in, that my parents discussed, and gave me. Like all things in life, it is a gift. Turns out Ann isn't bad at all. See?

For a few years I have considered introducing myself as Ann to new people, colleagues, etc. I've determined that I want to be called this in my adult years. It fits the me I am becoming. Stacey will remain for the closest, Stacey Ann for parents, only. These parameters preserve what is sacred, familiar. Ann is not so much a new identity - I believe in integration, above all - but, well, at twenty-four, it seems appropriate. I am changing, slowly like trees in a desert come autumn.


***

In other news, I am taking a note from Good Will Hunting and getting an education from the public library. I spent much of my childhood and adolescence in book stores (new and used), but didn't frequent the library often. My parents have always preferred to buy things. I take after them and, yet, I am persuaded by my poverty and thirst. I have no money to buy the books I want. I have no interest in wilting, withering, or waning. So, I borrow. The subjects I hope to explore in the next season include feminism, architecture, and orthodoxy. I am thrilled.

Lastly, I promise, reading Sylvia Plath's collected correspondence has nourished me. I find a friend in her and her wild, undulating emotions. I am inspired by her impulse to communicate, learn, and work. I have yet to finish and will be sad when I do.