days when i am most myself
and less controlled by the opinions of others.
[you know, when you take the liberty of carrying on a conversation with others (in your head, of course), which always leaves you as feeling less. or when you get ahead of yourself and use the incredible gift of imagination to make conjectures about what they think as opposed to what they say. here i often infer, quite irrationally, that they are sizing me up, calling my bluff, analyzing my language, appearance, and disapproving. always, disapproving. people are tricky and i am skeptical of them. but they aren't as interested in me as i suppose. at least, they aren't absorbed in sifting through my faults. (in other words, they aren't as consumed by critiquing myself as i am.) and what is so self-revealing about those above mentioned internal dialogues is that they are all about managing an image of myself, an impression of who i am or who i am not...
rather than being gracious to myself - the yet to be untangled mess of weakness and strength that i am - and with much bravery and strength stop comparing who i am to others. ]
it is wonderful, becoming oneself.
and knowing with
certainty that cannot be tossed easily like the waves of the sea
that i am beautiful and beloved.
precisely who He intended me to be.
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