it begins.

this morning i could not find my keys.

i always lose my keys.

but it lead to a quiet morning.

i anticipate more quiet mornings.

and more quiet nights.

as i tuck myself into the shadow of Your wings.

passion borne not of human zeal or striving.

obedience fueled by love.

weak yes, after weak yes.

immersion in a river wide and deep.

a vastness i have never known.

this is what i anticipate.

i am not sure where my weak yes' will lead.

but right now it is leading to a realignment.

and a desire to hold still in Your presence and hold fast to Your truth.

assured You are not a Father who is turning me away or rejecting me.

did you know this is what i thought before?

i didn't even know i thought this.

but i did. and sometimes i still do.

You are not denying me.

You do not despise me.

i am broken. i am weak.

i have been pushing away Your love and forgiveness. i have been fighting Your grace and mercy. because i cannot accept something i did not earn. something i am not worthy of. i am a hard worker. and know the grade i deserve. i have been punishing myself, i have been disqualifying myself when You have done everything to open wide Your heart for me.

this is where it begins.

this is when it begins.