to know people

"Mrs. Sanchez, can we listen to music?"

I am a substitute teacher the majority of the week. This is the first question I receive after introducing myself, taking roll, and explaining the days agenda. My answer is always: "Yes, you may listen to music. However, your work is your priority." What follows is an explanation. "You and I are entering into an agreement. The terms of the agreement are: If I see you use their phone to text, take pictures/videos, watch YouTube videos, play games, scroll though Facebook, Instagram, and/or snapchat, or even become too concerned with your next song choice, it's mine the rest of the period. Got it?" This works. They agree to the terms. I am not a tyrant but a benevolent overlord. I know what middle school and high school students are made of. I know some will struggle to keep their side of the agreement. When I see a potential problem, I direct an imposing gaze their way, I tap the paper in front of them, I ask them if they need help. If it persists, I stick out my palm. They let out a weak whine. "But..." or "One more chance..." I say nothing. They hand over the phone. It is mostly a non-issue.

The last weeks of school prove more difficult. Occasionally, teachers do not leave material to teach or enough creative, engaging work to keep students actively involved. They OK use of phones for free time. So, when students have completed their assignments I say "Yes, okay, fine." The noise level tapers but it is not the dense silence of diligent students.

One day, I looked around and counted. 26/31 students on their phones. 2/31 were still working. 3/31 were chatting.  These students were creating bonds with and through an inanimate object.

I have never been great at friendship. Personal interactions are wrought with anxiety. I wonder what to say. What do people talk about? How do they tell stories and jokes? Am I too serious? lacking in wit and humor? Do I lead a truly boring life? With the prevalence of sharing our lives through pictures and video, I am troubled. I see friends creating bonds with strangers or acquaintances or sustaining bonds with friends over a hashtag or new snapchat feature. If I don't follow you will I not know you?

We live busy, disconnected lives. Distance and commutes play a role. It all seems like a good way to connect. I'm not sold. I want to know people. I don't think these apps are the way to knowing or sustaining or living. But we spend time (the stuff of our lives!) thinking about them and scrolling and crafting our next post. It troubles me.