in two parts, really.

this blog is in two parts, really.

i hope that isn't distracting from the importance of either of them.

today was glorious. and silly.

sometimes i'm really excited to be in class. maybe overly excited. that's when i laugh and the whole class knows it's that girl who laughs loudly. indulgently. and without restraint. i do hope it's endearing. and not annoying. like that one girl who asks too many questions. please keep your hand down. and mouth closed. questions are good. but i'd much rather go on with the class.

sometimes i'm early. actually that is always the case. and my books are stacked neatly, one atop the other. my notebook is turned to a blank page. well, not blank - covered in doodles of trees and mythical creatures. (bahaha.) and my pen is uncapped, ready. painfully ready to write all that my professors says.

sometimes i serve myself three plates of food during one meal. there are just too many options. spring rolls. chicken picatta. mashed potatoes. mexican burrito. rice. beans. burgers. ice cream. nine drink choices. and they all look so appetizing. when i sit down, plates dripping with delicacies, i take a bite of each plate as to decide on which to eat first. and whichever one has the prevailing flavors will be eaten last. because i love to leave the table with a good taste in my mouth. with a heavy stomach. and laughter. light-hearted laughter.

sometimes i really love days like today.

...

school is great right now. and i'm learning. about a lot of things. language. and disciplines. and theory. but mostly about myself. and it's not always nice to learn about yourself. because there are ugly parts of us. parts we haven't dealt with. parts we ignore. parts that are hard. or secret. or just hurt. parts that seem impenetrable. unlovable. shameful. but it is good to know that my King can transform me. and all of those parts. out of love. deep, deep love. because He doesn't want me to live in the realm of shame or guilt. in the realm of hiding or pretending. He has brought me into His marvelous light. He has brought me into His realm of grace and forgiveness as i am now. not as i wish i could be. or know i ought to be. and that profound freedom is around me and in me. in abundance. showering down. and covering me. changing me into His likeness. but only if i invite Him to. only if i open the door, welcoming Him to have rule and reign. surrendering my rights. and ways. and thoughts. to the King. trusting that He knows what He is doing. knowing that He is gentle. trusting that He has nothing but love for me. knowing that His love goes deep.